Day 134 - Speaking my Mind

Yes. Again, I am writing. Every time I write something for my blog, it ignites something in me. Yes. It is like every person who has his own diary. It's like a book of secrets, a personal world where you pour your heart out and speak your mind freely. I know what you're thinking. That idea comes to my mind every time that I post for my blog, for this blog. See, I'm not like the artists out there. The popular ones, the hot ones. Their blogs are read and reread by so many people. And they swoon on their posts. Out of curiosity, for criticism or may be as avid fans. I'm certainly not one of those. I am with those who openly write their emotions in their blogs, not knowing if anybody cares. (Well that is an exaggeration. Of course, some soul cares.) But here's the catch, we never quit blogging or in a positive context, we stay blogging. And I know one day, my blog will serve it's purpose. Right now, it is my diary. I rarely even talk about events of my every day life here. Most of the time, I talk about my feelings (yeah. I know. It is so girl). But I love. I love every minute of it. And when I look back, I am amazed, definitely proud of myself that I have put my thoughts into words. Not all people can do that. I believe it's a talent.

So what am I writing about today? I'm not sure really. I am supposed to write 10 more articles about fitness and health but here I am, watching the Vampire Diaries or typing my own diary. But this is different. It is very easy. Every time I post, I see a blank window where in I have to type something. Most of the time I have nothing specific to tell. Like what I am obviously doing right now. But in the end, I'll finish a near-to-a-novel post. Very lengthy. I guess every thing is like that. If you are doing something that is from your heart, it will come out naturally.

I know I am not doing enough right now. There is so much more I can push myself to do, but I choose to slack off. Maybe because I'm afraid. Truly I am. Every time that I think of my dream, I feel ecstatic but I let it just stay inside me. One thing I know. I can keep it hidden. But it will always be my heart's desire.

There. Just poured my heart out.

P.S.

Can't wait for the interviews.

Be blessed guys. :)

P.S.S

I forgot to share. I love him. More than a friend, different from a family. I love him. But I don't even think of having a relationship with him. Because what I feel for him is very different and very secure. We don't even have to go to that level. I know he loves me. And it's a love forever. :D

Day 130 - Passion

Hi guys. I'm writing a lot at the moment so to break from the monotony, I just created another video entry for today. Quality is still not that good and I still have my lapses so forgive me. :D

I'll be singing "Mama Who Bore Me" in the video,too. It sucks so I am posting another video of just the song. It's acapella by the way. :)

P.S.

I am so excited for the interviews, so if you want to be featured on my blog, just add a comment with your email address or post it in my chat box. I'll be making the questions soon and I'll find a way to make the interviews interesting.

Thank you guys. Hope to hear from you.

Be blessed and goodluck to all our endeavors.

Carpe Diem!

Day 126 - CHAPTER 3 - Independence

Hi guys. Hope you'll love this post. Sorry for the grammar lapses and pronunciation errors. I promise to be better (and to use a better camera once I buy a new one) next time.

Thank you. So excited for chapter 3..

Be independent and attract real love..

:D

Day 123 - Another love day

It's late and I am blogging. But I don't want to miss this chance to tell you the things that are running on my mind right now.

first one - that someone is courting me. Well, a few hours ago, I decided not to think about this anymore. Want to know why? Secret.haha

second one - an inspiration.

I know I put Jonathan Groff's image for this post. But (okay, I'll just discuss that inspiration that came to my mind).

I was reading a book and is watching the tv at the same time (i love multitasking,haha) when I came across this man on a documentary show. His discussion was about a reserved forest. And I just felt like that kind of man is very attractive. Then these random images came to my mind (sorry. My thoughts are really at random at the moment)

- My love and I in the forest. He is asking me about what do I really want to do in my life. Then I told him "I want to sing". And he gave me that smile that sweeps me off my feet every time, telling me how good my dream is and that it is achievable.

- all the moments I want to share with my love (where are you?haha)

* ruffling his hair. I think I'm always attracted to guys with the just-woke-up hair do because I have a constant longing of always playing with my man's hair. I love doing that. haha

* Sitting in the middle of the forest where he would ask me to marry him. Then I'll say "no". Let's try to be chaste for a year.hahaha weird idea!

* my man simply fetching me from the house whenever we need to go out and accompanying me back home

I wonder. I had all these boyfriends but I never felt the real courtship.

I want to be loved.

Do I want a boyfriend right now? I don't know. I'm not even interested with guys who try to date me but don't seem attractive for me.

Do I just want a man? Maybe. Because I'm constantly longing for some tender but strong arms that could hug me every time I feel weak. Might be God, a father, a brother or a friend.

I don't need a man really to make my life complete and happy right now. But I want a man that will love me and that I will love. Because I can't wait to feel that security. I can't wait to start spending my every day growing with a person that you choose to be your other half, your better half.

Love for me.

Love for the world.

Goodnignt!!

Day 121 - A beginning

Today, there was a proposal. How would it go? Let's see. :)

Day 120 - Other girls are praying, too

I was just struck by happiness, right this very moment. Truly, God's ways are amazing. I'm lonely and I am waiting for the hard rain to stop so I can meet my best friend and help him with a project,a musical play, that he is writing. A friend sent me a message to "complement my love letter to my future other half." :D Very touching.

Here is the article that she sent me. This was taken from a newspaper article. I promise to share to you guys the site of that good heart once I get it.




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My daughter’s letter to the man she will love someday
By Cathy Babao-Guballa
Philippine Daily Inquirer
DateFirst Posted 22:05:00 08/08/2010

RELATIONSHIPS ARE always a difficult terrain to navigate.

As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.

Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”

I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.

I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.

Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.

Letter

Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,

Me

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Very beautiful piece,right.
I want to thank Ms. Donnabelle Amgao for constantly complimenting this love project of mine and sharing this special article with me. Here is Donna's site. Thank you Donna, I appreciate it so much. Do you know the girl's site? I want to share with all the other readers out there. :D

To all the girls, constantly waiting and praying, that man will come.

Happy. :)

Day 114 - CHAPTER 2: More of me, More of Life

I was like in a therapy for days. I've been crying, looking at my past, identifying what I really want and what are my fears that kept me from getting what I want. To brighten my mood, I stripped the old pictures of my cork board and redesigned my vision board. Let the pictures speak for themselves.

one of the couples that I really respect and love. Their sweetness on cam and off cam is captivating. Judy Ann truly is a picture of a woman in love. Love it! Want to have the same joyous relationship as theirs. ( why did my vignette appeared to longer than it should be?haha)

6 Steps to being positive :)

-Create a positive playlist
-Make your own vision video
-Stop complaining
-Engage in happy hobbies
-Believe you will succeed
-Take the right steps to achieve your goal

My VISION BOARD!

again :)

Girls celebrate life.Girls take risks. Girls make you laugh.Girls are creative.Girls reinvent themselves.Girls speak their mind.

luxuries but definitely a must-have for me. Samsung Omnia II, Ipod touch and frequent getaways. :)

food trips and trips around the world. Who wouldn't love these?

Perform. <3

Have my man tell me this. wee!

The board does not summarize my whole being and longings. My faith and God is not there. I have a lot. But I certainly love this vision board. Hope you guys loved it. Expect more of who I am in the next posts. I promised right? :) In the next days - Job Hunting! :)

Love comes when I'm ready :)

Goodnight!

Day 109 - Intimacy, love, and conquering darkness

I was supposed to start this post about relationships and my ideals about these, but I can't help sharing what I just felt.

The walk from our kitchen to the bathroom is not that long. However, due to my recent research about the Illuminati, I gained this fear of the dark and I hate it. I can't really define Illuminati yet, I am at the middle of my research about it and I am certainly going to post my reactions on it one of these days (or months? c'mon. no way.) either here or in my tumble log. What I can say is that it scares me, all those songs and people associated to Satan because they want to control the world, and their one way to do it is through the music industry.

I can't go to our bathroom to turn on the lights. Know what I did? I took accountability. Yes, you heard it right. Some people might think that this is just something petty, but for me it's a start. Just a few days ago, I started reading Life Strategies by Phillip C. McGraw. One of the most important thing that will set me apart from people who don't do what works in life is to take accountability of what's happening to me, take responsibility. So if I stay afraid of the dark, blaming Illuminati for my fear will just give me disabilities. So I went to the fridge, drank water to calm myself and I walked to the bathroom saying why not turn off the lights? And I did it. First step. And I need to bring with me this attitude of responsibility to everything that will happen to me, everything that I will be doing from now on. (waa. Enough of the babble. Hope I did not bore you. Here's my post.)

Love making. Intimacy. Physical Affection. Kisses. Touching. Love, love, love. When I was young, I was like every little girl in the world. I would only want to be intimate and close to my only man, my future husband. But when I grew up and was exposed to different people and ideals, that thought of mine was tainted. Not that it no longer mattered to me. It does. It deeply matters to me until now. That is why there are times in my life that I loath myself for having different relationships, guy relationships. Sometimes I hate that I have kissed them and thought that our relationships will last when it's already rotten in the beginning. I was a love enthusiast. I still am. I am good in advising people. You call it my social mask, but people go to me for problems. And I honestly need those people. I feel special when I listen to other people. But just like what I have told in a previous post, we all have that one part in our life that we need to improve on. Unless, we will be perfect and will not have anything to improve about every day.

That is why I need to forgive one very important person in my life. I need to set that person free. I have to liberate myself. I am the person who can love and trust myself most.

So for my loyal readers. Here is a secret that I have kept for a long while. I still want it to be a secret. But I want to show myself that I wouldn't be afraid of this memory anymore.

A few months ago, Nightmare in Elm Street was redone. There was one part there that really made me cry. That part when the villain was caressing the lady protagonist, telling her that her mind might not like it, but her body does. That was the secret the lady's parents was trying to hide from her. That she was molested during her childhood. The trauma made her forget those memories. I have the same memory,too. With my very young mind then, I remember it as that only instance, so I believe that it only happened once. There. This is one of my million secrets.haha (hyperbole :P) But I shared it for this post as a sign that I trust my readers. No misjudging. Only acceptance and freedom. :D Freedom for me!

Let me share to you my prayer.

Papa. Hi. I love you. I come to you again. I now you've been listening to every conscious and unconscious thoughts I have the whole day. I'm sorry if I again, hurt you with some of those thoughts. But I know You as my father. And that You will always be with me.

I'm lost. Many times I'm weak. Some of those times afraid. But let me trust You more. Strengthen me Papa, every moment. I love you. And I know you understand. Lead me to the light. Lead me to the path where my heart will be happy, with You and my greatest desire. Enlighten me Papa. I love you. I love you. Thank You.

I own happiness. Now and Forever. :D

(very happy feeling. :D)

Some thoughts to share.

-On my next post, I will be opening the second chapter of my project. :)

-I will strive to write better and meaningful posts about my project ad I will study English. I want to be better! :)

See you my friends.

Feel free to share your thoughts. :)

Day 105 - Love, Drunk and Good men

Found this video on one of the videos shared by s friend in Facebook. I can't explain it better than the song can. Please listen to Haven't met you yet (lyrics) by Michael Buble.

Sometimes, I loathe men. I don't deny the fact that I'm a feminist and have standards when it comes to boys I want to date (hey, it's a free country. Every girl deserves a man, a good man), but I really hate it when some men just play around. Hate 'em and the things they do. However, I have this one friend that I'll be featuring in this post. (to you, pay me! haha)

Arjal Bryan Altes, (Brent Ocampo in FB) is one of my good friends and co-member in our university's Theatre Guild Organization. He's a licensed engineer, an entrepreneur, a good and jolly person and definitely a part of my circle of friends that I'm very proud of. Just yesterday, he was an answered prayer. (well not really a prayer because I did not pray for it. Maybe unconsciously, but oh well. Why bother going to such explanations.) I was at a house party, co-worker and friend's birthday, Sheryl Mercado. We were celebrating it with her girlfriend and her siblings and her new friends, eating,laughing,drinking. I'm not sure why, (and this is very rare I tell you) but I got drunk just as the party's about to finish. Every one's planing to sleep at the house and they all are persuading me to do the same but I just don't want. I appreciated the offer so much, yet there are some things that I really want to avoid happening on evenings like that, so out of the blue, I sent an sms to Arjal. Luckily, he replied. He went to find the place, fetch me (he has his own car, but his house is not very near the place where I'm at. He was fast though) and allowed to have me stay at their house for the night. I only want to go home at our house when I'm sober. There, he offered me drinks (coffee or water, I had water) and I immediately fell into that deep slumber caused by alcohol. I woke up I was feeling sick (hungover), had lunch at their place, went to the mall then we parted ways.

My point? Well, I'm just happy that I have a guy friend that I can sleep beside with (and he can snore loudly and fart repeatedly and he's lucky I won't hate him,haha) and feel very safe. :D

There are still good men out there. Love, I will find you!