I was supposed to start this post about relationships and my ideals about these, but I can't help sharing what I just felt.
The walk from our kitchen to the bathroom is not that long. However, due to my recent research about the Illuminati, I gained this fear of the dark and I hate it. I can't really define Illuminati yet, I am at the middle of my research about it and I am certainly going to post my reactions on it one of these days (or months? c'mon. no way.) either here or in my tumble log. What I can say is that it scares me, all those songs and people associated to Satan because they want to control the world, and their one way to do it is through the music industry.
I can't go to our bathroom to turn on the lights. Know what I did? I took accountability. Yes, you heard it right. Some people might think that this is just something petty, but for me it's a start. Just a few days ago, I started reading Life Strategies by Phillip C. McGraw. One of the most important thing that will set me apart from people who don't do what works in life is to take accountability of what's happening to me, take responsibility. So if I stay afraid of the dark, blaming Illuminati for my fear will just give me disabilities. So I went to the fridge, drank water to calm myself and I walked to the bathroom saying why not turn off the lights? And I did it. First step. And I need to bring with me this attitude of responsibility to everything that will happen to me, everything that I will be doing from now on. (waa. Enough of the babble. Hope I did not bore you. Here's my post.)
Love making. Intimacy. Physical Affection. Kisses. Touching. Love, love, love. When I was young, I was like every little girl in the world. I would only want to be intimate and close to my only man, my future husband. But when I grew up and was exposed to different people and ideals, that thought of mine was tainted. Not that it no longer mattered to me. It does. It deeply matters to me until now. That is why there are times in my life that I loath myself for having different relationships, guy relationships. Sometimes I hate that I have kissed them and thought that our relationships will last when it's already rotten in the beginning. I was a love enthusiast. I still am. I am good in advising people. You call it my social mask, but people go to me for problems. And I honestly need those people. I feel special when I listen to other people. But just like what I have told in a previous post, we all have that one part in our life that we need to improve on. Unless, we will be perfect and will not have anything to improve about every day.
That is why I need to forgive one very important person in my life. I need to set that person free. I have to liberate myself. I am the person who can love and trust myself most.
So for my loyal readers. Here is a secret that I have kept for a long while. I still want it to be a secret. But I want to show myself that I wouldn't be afraid of this memory anymore.
A few months ago, Nightmare in Elm Street was redone. There was one part there that really made me cry. That part when the villain was caressing the lady protagonist, telling her that her mind might not like it, but her body does. That was the secret the lady's parents was trying to hide from her. That she was molested during her childhood. The trauma made her forget those memories. I have the same memory,too. With my very young mind then, I remember it as that only instance, so I believe that it only happened once. There. This is one of my million secrets.haha (hyperbole :P) But I shared it for this post as a sign that I trust my readers. No misjudging. Only acceptance and freedom. :D Freedom for me!
Let me share to you my prayer.
Papa. Hi. I love you. I come to you again. I now you've been listening to every conscious and unconscious thoughts I have the whole day. I'm sorry if I again, hurt you with some of those thoughts. But I know You as my father. And that You will always be with me.
I'm lost. Many times I'm weak. Some of those times afraid. But let me trust You more. Strengthen me Papa, every moment. I love you. And I know you understand. Lead me to the light. Lead me to the path where my heart will be happy, with You and my greatest desire. Enlighten me Papa. I love you. I love you. Thank You.
I own happiness. Now and Forever. :D
(very happy feeling. :D)
Some thoughts to share.
-On my next post, I will be opening the second chapter of my project. :)
-I will strive to write better and meaningful posts about my project ad I will study English. I want to be better! :)
See you my friends.
Feel free to share your thoughts. :)
