Day 101 - To all the people loving me

I can't say much here. I thank you so much guys. so much. My life is always bright because of you guys. I'll make a soft copy of our photo mosaic once I got the time and know how to do it via photoshop. haha


I'm blessed :)

super. :)

Day 99 - Personal Therapy

Do you believe that everyone has their own mental issues? Well, that was an exaggeration but I do believe that everyone of us has something to fix about his own self.


So here I am. Fixing something about myself. I tell you this is an ongoing therapy. Once in a while I always have to talk to myself, separate myself from my therapist-self so that I can help myself (confusing?).



Do I have a perfect life right now? Well I don't. But deep inside,I'm happy. When I think of all the good things in my life, I can't force myself to be sad (which is one very good thing if I may say). I have been a mess and a waste for the past weeks, but I think all of those were a result of one thing -- cowardice. I'm a coward, yes I am. That's why I keep missing my classes. Because I cannot face the wrath of my teachers, I cannot face the hard examinations and the confusing seat works. I am a coward because I can't face the results of my sloth or simply the results of not being able to plan my days and my time right.

All of it WAS my fault.
But if the day has passed already, then it's a part of a PAST.


I can move on.
I can leave all those bad things behind.
Am I afraid to face every day? Yes I am.

But I want to be free.
I want to be strong. I am strong-willed. I can easily make up my mind. I can do a lot of things but I don't know why I'm hiding, hiding behind this coward mask, because this is not me.






Am I ready to move on?












I will make up my mind that I am ready. and everything will follow.


Godbless to all our endeavors.

Day 98 - Some thoughts

I'm happy with the company of my friends but I'm still craving for you. :D

I know you're coming.

Can't wait. :)

Day 91 - To My Love

Dearest Love,

I just cried. Well, just a few tears. Everytime I see men that are so sincere with their love for their ladies, I cry. Maybe it is the yearning in my heart. Maybe there are just some things about my self that I need to improve to attract you into my life. Like constantly praying for you. Its just that I don't know if I'm really ready. I don't know if I can take care of a relationship once I found you. I've messed up. And everyday I wake up to find myself thinking about how could I make life worthwhile. Maybe this life is all about choosing the road that best suits you, and taking that road, never stopping no matter what. I'm sad. I still can't find a religion that will cater to my belief. I wanted to be a good church-goer, but I just can't force myself to believe things that are hurting me. And I love my Father so much, much more than all the words the Bible can say. And I firmly believe that my Father loves His people, and wouldn't want to break the world, just to make all things work out. I know that my mind is so feeble and cannot understand His ways, but I only believe in His love and unfailing trust. I just hope I can talk to Him, He maybe is not so proud of me, I'm not sure, but everyday I will try to be a better person, for Him, and for myself.

I love you. I want to be ready to meet you. I want you to love a whole person, so that we could both help each other fill our love tanks to the fullest each day of our life. I love you. And I know you'll be there, supporting me every step of the road I've chosen. I love you and all the things about you. I want to meet you. I want to be with you and to love you the way you want to be loved. I want to share every thought, every feeling I have with you. I want to spend the rest of my lifetime with us together, looking in one direction, growing in love and faithfulness everyday.

I love you.

And I will be hungry for your love, and I know I will see you soon.

Day 90 - There are still good hearts out there

Today, I am posting some of the inspiring ideas that I was able to encounter a few weeks ago. Reading blogs and following other people about what they do is really fun specially when they do it for a cause - life and people.

In this post, I will be using pictures, posts coming from other people. You can go and follow them on your own. You'll love 'em.

---

http://danisoul.typepad.com/

I already forgot how I came across her blog. All I remember was that I was impressed by her ideas and way of writing, and that I felt she is up to doing special things. And I followed her blog. Lately, she has done a very unique deed which I super loved. Here is the exact post: ( to Ms. Daniela Siegenthaler , I'll be reblogging your post, hope you don't mind. I really want to share what you have done to my friends and readers. Advance thanks!)

the wish tree: part two

i really didn't know what to expect after we left the wish tree that first day. would someone take down the sign and bag of tags for wishing? would anyone even find it? would people really do some wishing? i just couldn't predict or imagine, but knew that whatever took place next, it would be a journey of sorts. the first night i went back to the tree, there had been no wishes yet added to the ones faith and i had placed that monday. the tree is not directly off of any path, so it's not an obvious find. but the second time i returned, i was totally and wholly overcome by emotion, and felt a kind of magic unfolding:

Comments


oh yes! this is the magic wishing tree. and still...every time i hear more new wishes i get choked up with tears.

this is such a wonderful idea dani. you give people hope and a little magic in their lives by creating a written wish and hanging it on this beautiful tree.

i am convinced the tree feels all the good vibes coming from those wishes. well really we all do don't we?

Posted by: sazzy | 14 July 2010 at 23:16


oh dani! this is amazing, what you've started. all that energy of love and hope and belief, with somewhere to go. what an amazing peek into people's hearts right here "i wish she'd notice" and "i wish that someone special would come into my life"

all of this is so very good. you are inspiring me. and bringing me to tears (of happiness)

xo

Posted by: meredith winn | 15 July 2010 at 02:34


oh, how wonderful!!! such a happy feeling.

Posted by: jodi | 15 July 2010 at 07:42


oh, tearing up over here. I so love this project and am glad to see it grow. what a special place you have made.
I think I might like to try this in my little neck of the woods.
magic.

Posted by: vanessa | 15 July 2010 at 12:03


And yet again, your pictures turned out much lovelier than mine. *sighs* You've had more practice, I suppose. I love them so!

The tree really is a magical place, isn't it? *sighs* I love it there. Thanks so much for sharing the experience with little ol' me. :)

Love love.

Posted by: Faith | 15 July 2010 at 13:12


wow. just like all the people who have commented here, I too cried. Tears of joy and surprise. I was really impressed and inspired during part 1 of the wishing tree, but when I saw all the pictures for the part 2, I just realized there are still a lot of people with hope here in our world. So touching. Keep it up. I love your blog :)

Posted by: Shiva143vish | 15 July 2010 at 13:51


This is incredibly moving and beautiful. Thank you for doing it, and thank you for sharing it. Amazing....

Posted by: Anne | 15 July 2010 at 14:35


That is one of the most awesome things I have ever seen! I have chills and goosebumps and all kinds of good feelings now! What a great idea!

Posted by: Maegan | 15 July 2010 at 18:14


utterly and completely moving. thank you for sharing this.

Posted by: gonzomama | 15 July 2010 at 21:00

---

http://twitter.com/PostSecrets

I just saw this account when my eyes fell on the recent tweets and I immediately followed it. Everytime I read all the tweets here, my heart's crushed. I feel weak that a lot of people are sad and lonely but at the same time it inspires me to do something worthwhile for other people. Here are some of the tweets.

---

Isn't life just becomes lovely when you exhaust it helping and loving people? I hope to do such great things in my life. If each one of us has these kinds of thoughts, wouldn't the world be much,much happier?

Day 88 - Is Rejuvinating

I don't know how to put this, but these are the things that are currently happening to me.


- resigned at my call center job
- has many absences for school
- not so healthy




But I'm looking forward to REJUVENATIONS.



Here is the picture that's in my mind, when I'm at my lowest.



I'll be crying and running to my father (He is Papa God, not my biological father). I'll be crying hard, repeatedly saying, "I always try to be a good girl". And he'll just brush my hair with His hands and shower me with comfort telling me, "Then just continue trying. I love you just the same." Then I'll have the strength to face the days ahead because I know He will always be ready to accept me. My father will always love me and trust me to be a good daughter. Maybe I'm not close to that yet, or maybe I am. But one thing's for sure, He cares. Endlessly.





There. That made me more comfortable. Love tank half full. Growth capacity, always full.

Day 84 - Resolutions

I work in a call center, still a front line agent. If that sounds like a jargon for you, a front line agent means you are part of the team who gets the calls first. We are a technical support team so we troubleshoot with customers then we escalate the calls to level 2 (escalations department) if we have already exhausted everything that we can try from our end. A basic call structure can actually be applied to our day-to-day activities.

1. Proper Greeting

2. Getting Customer's Concern

3. Setting Expectations/Education

4. Troubleshoot to Resolve the Issue

5. Proper Closing

Now if I translate this to a day's activity, here's how I analyze it:

1. Properly Building your Disposition for the Day

2. Identify your Day's Goals

3. Set your Mind on How these Goals will be Achieved

4. Day Proper

5. Closing the Day with a Thank You and Prayer

I had a call that lasted for almost two hours - my last call for the day. Since we went through a couple of installations, there were plenty of time for us to converse. The customer seemed to like talking that we talked about the music genres that we love to listen to, and he laughed hard when I told him I hate local rap music (specially the very offending ones, filled wit bad words and hate). I enjoyed most of the time that we were sharing our musical interests (I am working for a music software and hardware account). However, his issue was not resolved because it was an issue with the usage rights for his songs already, and I can't help him further. He needs to again find all those thousands of music that he already have on the player, burn them again and transfer them to his mp3 player. It made me sad and the fun conversation that we had ended with a very disappointing mood. I then realized that what if my vigor to resolve every customers' issue will be the same enthusiasm that I will apply to my everyday goals? That means everyday, I won't rest until I reach my goal -- idealistic but good, right?

There. So everyday, to continuously fill my love tank, I have to make sure that I end the day having much respect for myself. I'll only get that if I spend the day on something worthwhile. And when your love tank is full, you will have plenty of love to share, and plenty of good things to attract to your life. wew! Hoping I'll have this in mind -- ALWAYS. :)

I haven't done this religiously, but here is the marriage quote for this day's post:

The fulfillment of marriage is that joy in which each lover's true being is flowering because its growth is being welcomed and unconsciously encouraged by the other in the infinite series of daily decisions which is their life together.

in short

Marriage is flourished by choosing to spend your life with your partner, each day of your life.

Sweet! Can't wait for my Marius. haha (love interest of Eponine in Les Miserables)

Good night everybody!

Day 81 - Back on the Ball Game

hmm. I am happy. Definitely happy. I know there were bumps along the way (and sure there will be more bumps) but I'm gonna make sure that I'll be wiser. We should always be smarter that yesterday, right? Well, I have been crying for days. And I constantly talked to myself during those days. If I can be a very good adviser to others, I should also give that privilege to myself. And you know what, I was able to tell myself some reasonable reasons (haha). The only thing that I need is not the assurance that I will get from my teacher. I only need to prove to myself that I can conquer the fear of facing my teacher. Because all I really need is to snatch back that respect for myself with regard to studies that I am losing. Well guess what, i'm back on the game and my love tank is increasing. Love it! I'm so happy, happy, happy, happy. Looking forward to good days.

My life is not perfect. But who says I can't be happy? Life is not supposed to be perfect. Because you yourself will make your life better everyday. Room for improvement, room for achievement. wew. I am definitely a positive girl again. And even if I found out that the guy I liked likes another girl (after he just told me a few days ago that he misses me a lot and dreamed about me saying I love him), I'm still happy. I deserve much better than that. I deserve a love that will surpass the love I can give (demanding?haha). Well, my love tank's full. That's when you feel happy and lovable.

Eating cheese bread guys. Till my next post!

Day 79 - Signs

A lot would be confused why I keep on skipping dates on my blog. Well, here's the deal. Even if I do not post, the days keep on going. So that's what I need to constantly remind myself. Also, I am counting all the days that have passed since the love project started.

Before the day's post, let me post an analysis of the this project.

Date the project started: April 18, 2010

Total no. of days the project has elapsed: 79

Total no. of posts: 17

Total no. of times the site was opened/viewed: 371

Total no. of followers: 6

So from the data shown above, I have missed 62 days of posting about my love project which means I only have posted at 21.52%, current duration.

Conclusion:

Out of 5 stars (and not taking into consideration whatever reason I might have for not posting), I rate myself 2 for eagerness with the project.

Recommendation:

You silly author, post more! haha

To inspire myself (and to review my readers how this all started), click this link to be redirected to DAY 1 - Unpredictability is Yum .

Well, this is just an introduction. This post is not all about the analyses. It's about SIGNS. Let me start.

--------

I failed to follow my promise to myself. I still keep missing the things I need to do. Just today, my morning started with signs.

Sign 1 - Zune Social Friend's Message

I have this friend on the zune social (online community for zune users). Well if you guys do not know, Zune is an Ipod competitor (easiest way to define it). But heck to online community, we are far more better than ipod. Anyway, I opened my software to start playing songs and saw that there is a message for me. Here are screenshots:

Can you guys read the message? He said, "For what it's worth, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or worst of it."

iep2s27 was the one who made the comment

Sign 2 - Song from Paramore's Album Brand New Eyes.

I was just randomly listening to songs and decided to just play this album. I haven't listened to the whole album because I only listen to 2 songs from it. My attention was caught by the following lines:

Verses from Misguided Ghosts by Paramore

Sign 3 - My blog's address misspelled

As I was typing this blog's address on my browser to start making posts, it opened another site. To my shock, the other blog's address was very close to mine's.

I forgot to put "L"

First post my eyes saw at this blog

wew. Last night, I was crying hard. My mom pushes me to talk when I don't want to. I told her don't push me to talk when at the end I'll still be solving my problem alone. It was a sharp statement and full of pain. I cried hard and I just wished God can talk to me PHYSICALLY, with sounds and all. I can't really read His ways when my mind is clouded. Now I am left to think if all the things I saw today where really signs. All I know is one thing. That I can only help myself. And nothing will happen if I stay put on our living room.

Day 76 - Head Aches

my head is aching. dunno if its because of my eyes or if its because I am (literally) thinking about a lot of things at the same time.

-work

-extra work

-case study

-talking to my teachers

I only have one thing to remind myself now.

"Life will repeatedly teach you something that you don't want to learn"

Day 75 - The Sandwich Technique

I have read somewhere that to put a negative situation to a positive light, you'll have to do the sandwich technique. Well, I'm just gonna do it now. And just like what I have posted on my raw and baby tumblr blog, the only way to let it go is to let it all out.

So here is my letting-out-to-let-go drama (the sandwich-technique way):

Note: I'll try to apply positivism even if it's not that positive. I want to arrange my thoughts.

Here it goes.

Maybe, just maybe, I have the world at my fingertips, but I just couldn't appreciate it. I might have made some not very good decisions in my life, but who cares? No one has made all the right choices in life right? I don't think happiness will be deep if you haven't honed it with some sadness, just as the cake would not be complete without the salt in it. (wow, did not even know I would think of that analogy) But let me, for the last time, pour out all the negativities I feel. To accept them. And forget them. Because after this post, I'm done. Done with all the self-pity and regrets. I'll be back on my feet, sober (not literally, I'm drunk - liquor of defeat) and live fully.

(deep breath - relaxation process - by the way I'm blogging at a convenience store near my workplace (Ministop). Can't bring Handre (my laptop) inside the company.)

I don't like my course. I don't really hate it, but I'm not loving it either. I think that the only reason why I was able to survive all the years of reviewing and making financial statements and analyzing financial situations is because I am with my friends -- celebrating when we pass, together when we struggle. But I definitely felt that my heart is really not in it, not even a bit of it, when I started the journey alone, an irregular student, no longer eligible for the CPA board exam unless I transfer university and take all my majors again. I just had enough. I stopped for a year, and tried to find the respect that I lost for myself through working, but I still feel the same when I came back. I still don't love it. I even liked it lesser than before, or simply hated it more. I will pay for every second of this semester I have enrolled, but I am not feeling any fulfillment at all. All I want is to ditch school and start all over again, with something that I really like to do. After the Arts (singing,dancing,theatre), psychology is what I love next. It's what I'm good at. My brain is composed of mostly female wiring (my brain's highly feminine),that is why I'm good at music and communication. Those are my greatest strengths. And I only feel happy when I'm performing or when I'm talking to people (well besides eating, which is something that most of people like doing).

But what would I do? I'm the eldest and I can't just drop school. Thousands of disappointments will haunt me, in all directions, some people even affected (or merely gossiping I assume) a lot. I can't just do what I want because I have my responsibilities to my family. Eldest child. whew

And how would I secure a good future for my own family someday if I'm not earning much. There is no money in theatre, but it has a lot of heart.

I hate all my fears.

Not being able to face some of my classes (ancient but recurring fear).

Committing myself to a relationship (well, that's not just my part. The other party should want to commit to of course)

Disappointing people (and myself mostly)

and a whole lot more. My own demons. (by the way, for me, demon/devil/monster or whatever the heck people call them is a VERY NEGATIVE FORCE that snatches your true desire. Not really the human form, with thorns and manly voice coming from some deep caves or whatever. Those are artistic displays of demons.

And I cry all mourn about these things lately, a lot. I sleep everywhere (literally) and I easily get bored with everything that I do. But since this is a sandwich technique, the bottom part of the sandwich should be positive.

I will finish accounting. A few months of strife and struggle is nothing, right. Strife and struggle come before success, even in the dictionary. Just one more year, and I can do everything that I want.

After this post is officially published, I will make every thing that I do thinking positively and enthusiastically.

I'll be forgetting what I have let out.

counting starts.

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

Another phase of my life has started -------- My Happy Transition. I'll be myself's bestfriend. And I know I hate promises, but this time, I am making the pact to myself. I.m going to earn myself's respect and love and trust. I'll conquer my fears and master myself. There is a lot in life to enjoy right. If I can advise other people of what to do, I should be able to do it with myself.

Ready?

I'm not sure.

But hey, there is no turning back. There is only the future that I have to face.

Positively, Enthusiastically.

Go Rachel, Go!!

So help me my God.

Day 74 - Spur of the moment

Case: Ditching classes

Reason: Lack of Preparation

Result: Much blogging and watching movie time

Comments: Not the best feeling but definitely I was not forced to do something I'm so unprepared to do

Conclusion: Fairly good

---- my silliness

Day 73 - (part 2) A thank you for Bee (my brother)

Okay. So my Brother appreciates me. I am just reposting the exact post he has in his blog about me.

---

Prince Max supports: Queen Rachel's Love Project

Well, as her little brother, Im here to support my Big Sister's crazy but interesting project for her Kingdom-- The Love Project.

Queen Rachel of the Southern Valleys is a love advocate. She enthusiastically dreams for the King who will melt her heart and finally complete the missing pieces of her life. If my 500 Days of Rebellion Project purports revolt against mediocrity, her Love Project stress for self discovery and a readying project for her future wedlock.

The Great King has instilled creativity, enthusiasm and unconditional love to Queen Rachel, that is why she deserves a counterpart that will complement her in the areas of her life and to run their Kingdom according to the purposes of the Great King.

Let us accompany Queen Rachel in her journey, pray for her future "Knight in Shining Armor" and of course follow her blog:

www.dloveproject.blogspot.com

Long Live the Great King!

Visit his blog guys:

theroyalrebellion.blogspot.com

Day 73 - Longing Inside

I always read about this - - unless you have a definite idea of what you like, nothing definite will happen.

hmm. At this point, when you are 21 years old and is working, not really a graduate yet, you are supposed to have that one big goal already,right? Well, that's what I'm supposed to accomplish within this week. To know what I really, really like. I just miss all the times that I am with my friends. I hate not being happy.

Here's the quote for the day:

The thing that counts most in the pursuit of happiness is choosing the right companion. Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: finding the right person and being the right person.

My reaction? That's right. You can only find the right person when you are rightfully a person to be loved. And when will you know that you are of that state already? You are going to feel it. You cannot love unless you love yourself fully, or else you and you're partner will suffer the problems of insecurities and all that crap. whew. I really want to be that full person, ready for love. But I really have to work on myself first. Control myself. Control my time. Know what I really want in life. When I am that full person, then I'll attract the same person that is also full of love and security and we can choose if we want to be together. Sounds idealistic? Well, living in my world, I tell you, there are still a lot of the good men out there. Out here actually.

wew, I am having not the perfect day of my life, but I'm starting to feel good.

Goodluck to me.

I miss my father (not my biological father), but my Papa God.