Day 185 - Memories of Love

Hi guys! It's been a while since I last posted anything here. But I have been reading your notes, don't you worry. Thank you for the support. I actually have been thinking of topics that I might write about to drive more traffic to the site so I can reach out to more people. Well, I'll have that in the parking lot for now and I'll go ahead and tell you what have made me post something at 4:52 in the morning. Here goes.



I assume all of us have friends. I am not pertaining to just acquaintances. I am pertaining to long time friends, friends you grew up with and friends that you actually knew very well. Well, in my world, I have those people. I am lucky enough to have maintained a small circle of friends since I was 12, and still have them around me until now. It's been 10 years and we're still counting. Only a few of us are still in school, most have graduated and are taking their journey to their chosen careers. Still we manage to stay in touch and celebrate special events together.



So when you have been friends with certain people for a very long time, attraction is inevitable I guess. Especially if these people enjoy the same things as you do and know you more than most people do. I have a fair share of these attractions. But being the weird me, I don't take such feelings to the next level. Men in the closest to me are always branded as my "buddies", "brothers", "best friends" and with those branding, the comforting idea that I will always have them. No complications. No break ups.



Right at this moment though, I want to tell you one of my closest friends that I have been thinking about. So this guy never had a girlfriend ever. He's 22, now to start a good career as a certified public accountant and a good person. Well he usually teases all his friends, but that's who he is. The teaser. So we never had anything more than friendship going on between us, but he is special to me, just like all my special friends. I just realized that he trusts me though. Like a lot. He studied at a different city for his licensure examinations, but when he had this very serious problem, he texted me and wants to talk to me. He has always been like that but I never seem to notice. When he was about to have his training, I'm the only one he asked for help, and bought clothes and suits. It has always been that way since early college. When he was alone at school doing some duty, he would text me and treat me lunch just to accompany him. Before I had this boyfriend whom I almost give all my salary to and he was so outraged and was the "only" person who suggested he'd keep my money instead. At the early years of college, I used to teach him and encourage him to sing. He loves musicals,too but is too shy to pursue anything about it. He always teases me though, saying I'm not his type. Maybe he's just comfortable with me. That doesn't mean he likes me,right? There was a time in college when I really liked him but I pushed it out of my mind. I just remembered it now because my girl best friend asked me if I like him. Anyway, enough about him, or about us. For sure these thoughts are out of my mind in a few days. Right now, I will just enjoy being single. Enjoy life!


Till next time!

Day 145 - Decisions I have to make

Wow! 145 days actually mean I have been working on this love project 40% out of a year. What I mean is after 200 and a few more days, it will this project's anniversary. Will that be worth celebrating? I certainly hope it will be. 

Anyway, I'm too far that yet so I shouldn't be thinking much about it. I posted today to share my current dilemma. Here it goes. 

I have the choose among the following (or I could probably plan other ways). This time I'll be phishing for comments. Every comment will certainly be appreciated. (of the highest form,damon?haha)

Small Introduction:

- I still have a year to go for college (BS Business Administration, Major in Accounting). 

- I took the same subjects unfinished for like 3 semesters, 2 consecutive, worked in a call center for a year, went back to school then stopped

- I am currently breaking in the online writing world, my first project, a month-long one, for P1,200.  

- next school's semester will start at early November. 

CHOICES:

1) Continue School - Tuition to be shouldered by my aunt. Allowance? Not sure. Hmm, I don't think I'm thrifty enough to spend only $125 dollars every two months. My back pay (that's more than P10,000 [it should be. I'd burn my previous company to hell if it's any less than that.haha] will not come in the next 2-3 months [like that feels forever] so I need to make sure I have enough money for myself because I don't want to enroll and stop in the middle. 

2) Apply in another call center - This is lowest in my choices. I certainly feel the need to have my own money right now, and is currently reaping the seeds of not planning my resignation very well but I don't want to go to work in a time that I can be at home safely or during days that I could be celebrating holidays with my family. I want the New Year that I spent at work last year to be the lat New Year that I'll be doing at work. 

3) Take a few subjects and have a job - This is hard and I have proven it. I know some people can do it, but I don't think I can. Well at least while I'm refreshing with school again. This could easily be a win-win situation for me and my mom but could also be a lose-lose situation if not done well. It is highest in my choices. 

Considerations: 

- I will certainly continue writing. If I get more online projects, more on topics that interest me, I'm not the best yet but I want to better. Not a lot knows this (I mean, I think no one knows, only the people I grew up with, and with that I mean the children I play with and not my classmates and long time friends) but I started very early in writing. when I was very young, I love writing horror stories, that was first half of elementary years. I usually write morbid horror stories with drastic and bloody endings then I read them aloud (usually to my mom, she can take my weirdness, forced though,hahaha) and laugh so much about it. I don't know why I developed fascination with horror when I was young. I remember watching one horror movie with a girl friend and I was like laughing at the movie house most of the time, while she covered her face, horrified and screaming. (it's funny really. I'm not weird. I think I'm perfectly normal.haha) I want to preserve that part of me. the realization just came to me a few weeks ago, and I'm holding on to it. 

There. I might still come out with other plans and strategies but at the moment, those are my choices. I wish myself good luck. 

Do you have any dilemma's in your life right now? you can comment anonymously. I can listen and give advices. I'm good with that, ironic as it may seem, but it is true. 

Still, I wish us all a positive outlook in life, lots of luck and blessings with our endeavors. 

Day 141 - Catching the Butterfly

Can't help but share this. This is a 20-minute, Kapampangan Indie Film, ETC Best Short Film, 1st Philippine Digital Awards.

BALANGINGI (Nosebleed) is a Kapampangan short film that takes a peek into the life of Xoo, a young Filipino "pilosopo" who is forced to attend a blind date set by his nephew. He attempts to suppress his intellectual side but gives in and shows his true color to his date.

Short Film, Blind Dating and showing who you are. Super Informative and Funny. Really. Watch it. :D I'm sure you'll love it.

(I rarely share such, so I definitely share only the ones that catch my attention.haha!)

are you curious why this post is entitled " Catching the Butterfly"??

here is what I posted in my twitter account: (@rpregunta)

this is something I learn, and repeatedly learn everyday. the excitement of writing is like a flying butterfly. you have to catch it, before it flies away.

Day 134 - Speaking my Mind

Yes. Again, I am writing. Every time I write something for my blog, it ignites something in me. Yes. It is like every person who has his own diary. It's like a book of secrets, a personal world where you pour your heart out and speak your mind freely. I know what you're thinking. That idea comes to my mind every time that I post for my blog, for this blog. See, I'm not like the artists out there. The popular ones, the hot ones. Their blogs are read and reread by so many people. And they swoon on their posts. Out of curiosity, for criticism or may be as avid fans. I'm certainly not one of those. I am with those who openly write their emotions in their blogs, not knowing if anybody cares. (Well that is an exaggeration. Of course, some soul cares.) But here's the catch, we never quit blogging or in a positive context, we stay blogging. And I know one day, my blog will serve it's purpose. Right now, it is my diary. I rarely even talk about events of my every day life here. Most of the time, I talk about my feelings (yeah. I know. It is so girl). But I love. I love every minute of it. And when I look back, I am amazed, definitely proud of myself that I have put my thoughts into words. Not all people can do that. I believe it's a talent.

So what am I writing about today? I'm not sure really. I am supposed to write 10 more articles about fitness and health but here I am, watching the Vampire Diaries or typing my own diary. But this is different. It is very easy. Every time I post, I see a blank window where in I have to type something. Most of the time I have nothing specific to tell. Like what I am obviously doing right now. But in the end, I'll finish a near-to-a-novel post. Very lengthy. I guess every thing is like that. If you are doing something that is from your heart, it will come out naturally.

I know I am not doing enough right now. There is so much more I can push myself to do, but I choose to slack off. Maybe because I'm afraid. Truly I am. Every time that I think of my dream, I feel ecstatic but I let it just stay inside me. One thing I know. I can keep it hidden. But it will always be my heart's desire.

There. Just poured my heart out.

P.S.

Can't wait for the interviews.

Be blessed guys. :)

P.S.S

I forgot to share. I love him. More than a friend, different from a family. I love him. But I don't even think of having a relationship with him. Because what I feel for him is very different and very secure. We don't even have to go to that level. I know he loves me. And it's a love forever. :D

Day 130 - Passion

Hi guys. I'm writing a lot at the moment so to break from the monotony, I just created another video entry for today. Quality is still not that good and I still have my lapses so forgive me. :D

I'll be singing "Mama Who Bore Me" in the video,too. It sucks so I am posting another video of just the song. It's acapella by the way. :)

P.S.

I am so excited for the interviews, so if you want to be featured on my blog, just add a comment with your email address or post it in my chat box. I'll be making the questions soon and I'll find a way to make the interviews interesting.

Thank you guys. Hope to hear from you.

Be blessed and goodluck to all our endeavors.

Carpe Diem!

Day 126 - CHAPTER 3 - Independence

Hi guys. Hope you'll love this post. Sorry for the grammar lapses and pronunciation errors. I promise to be better (and to use a better camera once I buy a new one) next time.

Thank you. So excited for chapter 3..

Be independent and attract real love..

:D

Day 123 - Another love day

It's late and I am blogging. But I don't want to miss this chance to tell you the things that are running on my mind right now.

first one - that someone is courting me. Well, a few hours ago, I decided not to think about this anymore. Want to know why? Secret.haha

second one - an inspiration.

I know I put Jonathan Groff's image for this post. But (okay, I'll just discuss that inspiration that came to my mind).

I was reading a book and is watching the tv at the same time (i love multitasking,haha) when I came across this man on a documentary show. His discussion was about a reserved forest. And I just felt like that kind of man is very attractive. Then these random images came to my mind (sorry. My thoughts are really at random at the moment)

- My love and I in the forest. He is asking me about what do I really want to do in my life. Then I told him "I want to sing". And he gave me that smile that sweeps me off my feet every time, telling me how good my dream is and that it is achievable.

- all the moments I want to share with my love (where are you?haha)

* ruffling his hair. I think I'm always attracted to guys with the just-woke-up hair do because I have a constant longing of always playing with my man's hair. I love doing that. haha

* Sitting in the middle of the forest where he would ask me to marry him. Then I'll say "no". Let's try to be chaste for a year.hahaha weird idea!

* my man simply fetching me from the house whenever we need to go out and accompanying me back home

I wonder. I had all these boyfriends but I never felt the real courtship.

I want to be loved.

Do I want a boyfriend right now? I don't know. I'm not even interested with guys who try to date me but don't seem attractive for me.

Do I just want a man? Maybe. Because I'm constantly longing for some tender but strong arms that could hug me every time I feel weak. Might be God, a father, a brother or a friend.

I don't need a man really to make my life complete and happy right now. But I want a man that will love me and that I will love. Because I can't wait to feel that security. I can't wait to start spending my every day growing with a person that you choose to be your other half, your better half.

Love for me.

Love for the world.

Goodnignt!!

Day 121 - A beginning

Today, there was a proposal. How would it go? Let's see. :)

Day 120 - Other girls are praying, too

I was just struck by happiness, right this very moment. Truly, God's ways are amazing. I'm lonely and I am waiting for the hard rain to stop so I can meet my best friend and help him with a project,a musical play, that he is writing. A friend sent me a message to "complement my love letter to my future other half." :D Very touching.

Here is the article that she sent me. This was taken from a newspaper article. I promise to share to you guys the site of that good heart once I get it.




---

My daughter’s letter to the man she will love someday
By Cathy Babao-Guballa
Philippine Daily Inquirer
DateFirst Posted 22:05:00 08/08/2010

RELATIONSHIPS ARE always a difficult terrain to navigate.

As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.

Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”

I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.

I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.

Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.

Letter

Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,

Me

---







Very beautiful piece,right.
I want to thank Ms. Donnabelle Amgao for constantly complimenting this love project of mine and sharing this special article with me. Here is Donna's site. Thank you Donna, I appreciate it so much. Do you know the girl's site? I want to share with all the other readers out there. :D

To all the girls, constantly waiting and praying, that man will come.

Happy. :)

Day 114 - CHAPTER 2: More of me, More of Life

I was like in a therapy for days. I've been crying, looking at my past, identifying what I really want and what are my fears that kept me from getting what I want. To brighten my mood, I stripped the old pictures of my cork board and redesigned my vision board. Let the pictures speak for themselves.

one of the couples that I really respect and love. Their sweetness on cam and off cam is captivating. Judy Ann truly is a picture of a woman in love. Love it! Want to have the same joyous relationship as theirs. ( why did my vignette appeared to longer than it should be?haha)

6 Steps to being positive :)

-Create a positive playlist
-Make your own vision video
-Stop complaining
-Engage in happy hobbies
-Believe you will succeed
-Take the right steps to achieve your goal

My VISION BOARD!

again :)

Girls celebrate life.Girls take risks. Girls make you laugh.Girls are creative.Girls reinvent themselves.Girls speak their mind.

luxuries but definitely a must-have for me. Samsung Omnia II, Ipod touch and frequent getaways. :)

food trips and trips around the world. Who wouldn't love these?

Perform. <3

Have my man tell me this. wee!

The board does not summarize my whole being and longings. My faith and God is not there. I have a lot. But I certainly love this vision board. Hope you guys loved it. Expect more of who I am in the next posts. I promised right? :) In the next days - Job Hunting! :)

Love comes when I'm ready :)

Goodnight!

Day 109 - Intimacy, love, and conquering darkness

I was supposed to start this post about relationships and my ideals about these, but I can't help sharing what I just felt.

The walk from our kitchen to the bathroom is not that long. However, due to my recent research about the Illuminati, I gained this fear of the dark and I hate it. I can't really define Illuminati yet, I am at the middle of my research about it and I am certainly going to post my reactions on it one of these days (or months? c'mon. no way.) either here or in my tumble log. What I can say is that it scares me, all those songs and people associated to Satan because they want to control the world, and their one way to do it is through the music industry.

I can't go to our bathroom to turn on the lights. Know what I did? I took accountability. Yes, you heard it right. Some people might think that this is just something petty, but for me it's a start. Just a few days ago, I started reading Life Strategies by Phillip C. McGraw. One of the most important thing that will set me apart from people who don't do what works in life is to take accountability of what's happening to me, take responsibility. So if I stay afraid of the dark, blaming Illuminati for my fear will just give me disabilities. So I went to the fridge, drank water to calm myself and I walked to the bathroom saying why not turn off the lights? And I did it. First step. And I need to bring with me this attitude of responsibility to everything that will happen to me, everything that I will be doing from now on. (waa. Enough of the babble. Hope I did not bore you. Here's my post.)

Love making. Intimacy. Physical Affection. Kisses. Touching. Love, love, love. When I was young, I was like every little girl in the world. I would only want to be intimate and close to my only man, my future husband. But when I grew up and was exposed to different people and ideals, that thought of mine was tainted. Not that it no longer mattered to me. It does. It deeply matters to me until now. That is why there are times in my life that I loath myself for having different relationships, guy relationships. Sometimes I hate that I have kissed them and thought that our relationships will last when it's already rotten in the beginning. I was a love enthusiast. I still am. I am good in advising people. You call it my social mask, but people go to me for problems. And I honestly need those people. I feel special when I listen to other people. But just like what I have told in a previous post, we all have that one part in our life that we need to improve on. Unless, we will be perfect and will not have anything to improve about every day.

That is why I need to forgive one very important person in my life. I need to set that person free. I have to liberate myself. I am the person who can love and trust myself most.

So for my loyal readers. Here is a secret that I have kept for a long while. I still want it to be a secret. But I want to show myself that I wouldn't be afraid of this memory anymore.

A few months ago, Nightmare in Elm Street was redone. There was one part there that really made me cry. That part when the villain was caressing the lady protagonist, telling her that her mind might not like it, but her body does. That was the secret the lady's parents was trying to hide from her. That she was molested during her childhood. The trauma made her forget those memories. I have the same memory,too. With my very young mind then, I remember it as that only instance, so I believe that it only happened once. There. This is one of my million secrets.haha (hyperbole :P) But I shared it for this post as a sign that I trust my readers. No misjudging. Only acceptance and freedom. :D Freedom for me!

Let me share to you my prayer.

Papa. Hi. I love you. I come to you again. I now you've been listening to every conscious and unconscious thoughts I have the whole day. I'm sorry if I again, hurt you with some of those thoughts. But I know You as my father. And that You will always be with me.

I'm lost. Many times I'm weak. Some of those times afraid. But let me trust You more. Strengthen me Papa, every moment. I love you. And I know you understand. Lead me to the light. Lead me to the path where my heart will be happy, with You and my greatest desire. Enlighten me Papa. I love you. I love you. Thank You.

I own happiness. Now and Forever. :D

(very happy feeling. :D)

Some thoughts to share.

-On my next post, I will be opening the second chapter of my project. :)

-I will strive to write better and meaningful posts about my project ad I will study English. I want to be better! :)

See you my friends.

Feel free to share your thoughts. :)

Day 105 - Love, Drunk and Good men

Found this video on one of the videos shared by s friend in Facebook. I can't explain it better than the song can. Please listen to Haven't met you yet (lyrics) by Michael Buble.

Sometimes, I loathe men. I don't deny the fact that I'm a feminist and have standards when it comes to boys I want to date (hey, it's a free country. Every girl deserves a man, a good man), but I really hate it when some men just play around. Hate 'em and the things they do. However, I have this one friend that I'll be featuring in this post. (to you, pay me! haha)

Arjal Bryan Altes, (Brent Ocampo in FB) is one of my good friends and co-member in our university's Theatre Guild Organization. He's a licensed engineer, an entrepreneur, a good and jolly person and definitely a part of my circle of friends that I'm very proud of. Just yesterday, he was an answered prayer. (well not really a prayer because I did not pray for it. Maybe unconsciously, but oh well. Why bother going to such explanations.) I was at a house party, co-worker and friend's birthday, Sheryl Mercado. We were celebrating it with her girlfriend and her siblings and her new friends, eating,laughing,drinking. I'm not sure why, (and this is very rare I tell you) but I got drunk just as the party's about to finish. Every one's planing to sleep at the house and they all are persuading me to do the same but I just don't want. I appreciated the offer so much, yet there are some things that I really want to avoid happening on evenings like that, so out of the blue, I sent an sms to Arjal. Luckily, he replied. He went to find the place, fetch me (he has his own car, but his house is not very near the place where I'm at. He was fast though) and allowed to have me stay at their house for the night. I only want to go home at our house when I'm sober. There, he offered me drinks (coffee or water, I had water) and I immediately fell into that deep slumber caused by alcohol. I woke up I was feeling sick (hungover), had lunch at their place, went to the mall then we parted ways.

My point? Well, I'm just happy that I have a guy friend that I can sleep beside with (and he can snore loudly and fart repeatedly and he's lucky I won't hate him,haha) and feel very safe. :D

There are still good men out there. Love, I will find you!

Day 101 - To all the people loving me

I can't say much here. I thank you so much guys. so much. My life is always bright because of you guys. I'll make a soft copy of our photo mosaic once I got the time and know how to do it via photoshop. haha


I'm blessed :)

super. :)

Day 99 - Personal Therapy

Do you believe that everyone has their own mental issues? Well, that was an exaggeration but I do believe that everyone of us has something to fix about his own self.


So here I am. Fixing something about myself. I tell you this is an ongoing therapy. Once in a while I always have to talk to myself, separate myself from my therapist-self so that I can help myself (confusing?).



Do I have a perfect life right now? Well I don't. But deep inside,I'm happy. When I think of all the good things in my life, I can't force myself to be sad (which is one very good thing if I may say). I have been a mess and a waste for the past weeks, but I think all of those were a result of one thing -- cowardice. I'm a coward, yes I am. That's why I keep missing my classes. Because I cannot face the wrath of my teachers, I cannot face the hard examinations and the confusing seat works. I am a coward because I can't face the results of my sloth or simply the results of not being able to plan my days and my time right.

All of it WAS my fault.
But if the day has passed already, then it's a part of a PAST.


I can move on.
I can leave all those bad things behind.
Am I afraid to face every day? Yes I am.

But I want to be free.
I want to be strong. I am strong-willed. I can easily make up my mind. I can do a lot of things but I don't know why I'm hiding, hiding behind this coward mask, because this is not me.






Am I ready to move on?












I will make up my mind that I am ready. and everything will follow.


Godbless to all our endeavors.

Day 98 - Some thoughts

I'm happy with the company of my friends but I'm still craving for you. :D

I know you're coming.

Can't wait. :)

Day 91 - To My Love

Dearest Love,

I just cried. Well, just a few tears. Everytime I see men that are so sincere with their love for their ladies, I cry. Maybe it is the yearning in my heart. Maybe there are just some things about my self that I need to improve to attract you into my life. Like constantly praying for you. Its just that I don't know if I'm really ready. I don't know if I can take care of a relationship once I found you. I've messed up. And everyday I wake up to find myself thinking about how could I make life worthwhile. Maybe this life is all about choosing the road that best suits you, and taking that road, never stopping no matter what. I'm sad. I still can't find a religion that will cater to my belief. I wanted to be a good church-goer, but I just can't force myself to believe things that are hurting me. And I love my Father so much, much more than all the words the Bible can say. And I firmly believe that my Father loves His people, and wouldn't want to break the world, just to make all things work out. I know that my mind is so feeble and cannot understand His ways, but I only believe in His love and unfailing trust. I just hope I can talk to Him, He maybe is not so proud of me, I'm not sure, but everyday I will try to be a better person, for Him, and for myself.

I love you. I want to be ready to meet you. I want you to love a whole person, so that we could both help each other fill our love tanks to the fullest each day of our life. I love you. And I know you'll be there, supporting me every step of the road I've chosen. I love you and all the things about you. I want to meet you. I want to be with you and to love you the way you want to be loved. I want to share every thought, every feeling I have with you. I want to spend the rest of my lifetime with us together, looking in one direction, growing in love and faithfulness everyday.

I love you.

And I will be hungry for your love, and I know I will see you soon.

Day 90 - There are still good hearts out there

Today, I am posting some of the inspiring ideas that I was able to encounter a few weeks ago. Reading blogs and following other people about what they do is really fun specially when they do it for a cause - life and people.

In this post, I will be using pictures, posts coming from other people. You can go and follow them on your own. You'll love 'em.

---

http://danisoul.typepad.com/

I already forgot how I came across her blog. All I remember was that I was impressed by her ideas and way of writing, and that I felt she is up to doing special things. And I followed her blog. Lately, she has done a very unique deed which I super loved. Here is the exact post: ( to Ms. Daniela Siegenthaler , I'll be reblogging your post, hope you don't mind. I really want to share what you have done to my friends and readers. Advance thanks!)

the wish tree: part two

i really didn't know what to expect after we left the wish tree that first day. would someone take down the sign and bag of tags for wishing? would anyone even find it? would people really do some wishing? i just couldn't predict or imagine, but knew that whatever took place next, it would be a journey of sorts. the first night i went back to the tree, there had been no wishes yet added to the ones faith and i had placed that monday. the tree is not directly off of any path, so it's not an obvious find. but the second time i returned, i was totally and wholly overcome by emotion, and felt a kind of magic unfolding:

Comments


oh yes! this is the magic wishing tree. and still...every time i hear more new wishes i get choked up with tears.

this is such a wonderful idea dani. you give people hope and a little magic in their lives by creating a written wish and hanging it on this beautiful tree.

i am convinced the tree feels all the good vibes coming from those wishes. well really we all do don't we?

Posted by: sazzy | 14 July 2010 at 23:16


oh dani! this is amazing, what you've started. all that energy of love and hope and belief, with somewhere to go. what an amazing peek into people's hearts right here "i wish she'd notice" and "i wish that someone special would come into my life"

all of this is so very good. you are inspiring me. and bringing me to tears (of happiness)

xo

Posted by: meredith winn | 15 July 2010 at 02:34


oh, how wonderful!!! such a happy feeling.

Posted by: jodi | 15 July 2010 at 07:42


oh, tearing up over here. I so love this project and am glad to see it grow. what a special place you have made.
I think I might like to try this in my little neck of the woods.
magic.

Posted by: vanessa | 15 July 2010 at 12:03


And yet again, your pictures turned out much lovelier than mine. *sighs* You've had more practice, I suppose. I love them so!

The tree really is a magical place, isn't it? *sighs* I love it there. Thanks so much for sharing the experience with little ol' me. :)

Love love.

Posted by: Faith | 15 July 2010 at 13:12


wow. just like all the people who have commented here, I too cried. Tears of joy and surprise. I was really impressed and inspired during part 1 of the wishing tree, but when I saw all the pictures for the part 2, I just realized there are still a lot of people with hope here in our world. So touching. Keep it up. I love your blog :)

Posted by: Shiva143vish | 15 July 2010 at 13:51


This is incredibly moving and beautiful. Thank you for doing it, and thank you for sharing it. Amazing....

Posted by: Anne | 15 July 2010 at 14:35


That is one of the most awesome things I have ever seen! I have chills and goosebumps and all kinds of good feelings now! What a great idea!

Posted by: Maegan | 15 July 2010 at 18:14


utterly and completely moving. thank you for sharing this.

Posted by: gonzomama | 15 July 2010 at 21:00

---

http://twitter.com/PostSecrets

I just saw this account when my eyes fell on the recent tweets and I immediately followed it. Everytime I read all the tweets here, my heart's crushed. I feel weak that a lot of people are sad and lonely but at the same time it inspires me to do something worthwhile for other people. Here are some of the tweets.

---

Isn't life just becomes lovely when you exhaust it helping and loving people? I hope to do such great things in my life. If each one of us has these kinds of thoughts, wouldn't the world be much,much happier?

Day 88 - Is Rejuvinating

I don't know how to put this, but these are the things that are currently happening to me.


- resigned at my call center job
- has many absences for school
- not so healthy




But I'm looking forward to REJUVENATIONS.



Here is the picture that's in my mind, when I'm at my lowest.



I'll be crying and running to my father (He is Papa God, not my biological father). I'll be crying hard, repeatedly saying, "I always try to be a good girl". And he'll just brush my hair with His hands and shower me with comfort telling me, "Then just continue trying. I love you just the same." Then I'll have the strength to face the days ahead because I know He will always be ready to accept me. My father will always love me and trust me to be a good daughter. Maybe I'm not close to that yet, or maybe I am. But one thing's for sure, He cares. Endlessly.





There. That made me more comfortable. Love tank half full. Growth capacity, always full.

Day 84 - Resolutions

I work in a call center, still a front line agent. If that sounds like a jargon for you, a front line agent means you are part of the team who gets the calls first. We are a technical support team so we troubleshoot with customers then we escalate the calls to level 2 (escalations department) if we have already exhausted everything that we can try from our end. A basic call structure can actually be applied to our day-to-day activities.

1. Proper Greeting

2. Getting Customer's Concern

3. Setting Expectations/Education

4. Troubleshoot to Resolve the Issue

5. Proper Closing

Now if I translate this to a day's activity, here's how I analyze it:

1. Properly Building your Disposition for the Day

2. Identify your Day's Goals

3. Set your Mind on How these Goals will be Achieved

4. Day Proper

5. Closing the Day with a Thank You and Prayer

I had a call that lasted for almost two hours - my last call for the day. Since we went through a couple of installations, there were plenty of time for us to converse. The customer seemed to like talking that we talked about the music genres that we love to listen to, and he laughed hard when I told him I hate local rap music (specially the very offending ones, filled wit bad words and hate). I enjoyed most of the time that we were sharing our musical interests (I am working for a music software and hardware account). However, his issue was not resolved because it was an issue with the usage rights for his songs already, and I can't help him further. He needs to again find all those thousands of music that he already have on the player, burn them again and transfer them to his mp3 player. It made me sad and the fun conversation that we had ended with a very disappointing mood. I then realized that what if my vigor to resolve every customers' issue will be the same enthusiasm that I will apply to my everyday goals? That means everyday, I won't rest until I reach my goal -- idealistic but good, right?

There. So everyday, to continuously fill my love tank, I have to make sure that I end the day having much respect for myself. I'll only get that if I spend the day on something worthwhile. And when your love tank is full, you will have plenty of love to share, and plenty of good things to attract to your life. wew! Hoping I'll have this in mind -- ALWAYS. :)

I haven't done this religiously, but here is the marriage quote for this day's post:

The fulfillment of marriage is that joy in which each lover's true being is flowering because its growth is being welcomed and unconsciously encouraged by the other in the infinite series of daily decisions which is their life together.

in short

Marriage is flourished by choosing to spend your life with your partner, each day of your life.

Sweet! Can't wait for my Marius. haha (love interest of Eponine in Les Miserables)

Good night everybody!

Day 81 - Back on the Ball Game

hmm. I am happy. Definitely happy. I know there were bumps along the way (and sure there will be more bumps) but I'm gonna make sure that I'll be wiser. We should always be smarter that yesterday, right? Well, I have been crying for days. And I constantly talked to myself during those days. If I can be a very good adviser to others, I should also give that privilege to myself. And you know what, I was able to tell myself some reasonable reasons (haha). The only thing that I need is not the assurance that I will get from my teacher. I only need to prove to myself that I can conquer the fear of facing my teacher. Because all I really need is to snatch back that respect for myself with regard to studies that I am losing. Well guess what, i'm back on the game and my love tank is increasing. Love it! I'm so happy, happy, happy, happy. Looking forward to good days.

My life is not perfect. But who says I can't be happy? Life is not supposed to be perfect. Because you yourself will make your life better everyday. Room for improvement, room for achievement. wew. I am definitely a positive girl again. And even if I found out that the guy I liked likes another girl (after he just told me a few days ago that he misses me a lot and dreamed about me saying I love him), I'm still happy. I deserve much better than that. I deserve a love that will surpass the love I can give (demanding?haha). Well, my love tank's full. That's when you feel happy and lovable.

Eating cheese bread guys. Till my next post!

Day 79 - Signs

A lot would be confused why I keep on skipping dates on my blog. Well, here's the deal. Even if I do not post, the days keep on going. So that's what I need to constantly remind myself. Also, I am counting all the days that have passed since the love project started.

Before the day's post, let me post an analysis of the this project.

Date the project started: April 18, 2010

Total no. of days the project has elapsed: 79

Total no. of posts: 17

Total no. of times the site was opened/viewed: 371

Total no. of followers: 6

So from the data shown above, I have missed 62 days of posting about my love project which means I only have posted at 21.52%, current duration.

Conclusion:

Out of 5 stars (and not taking into consideration whatever reason I might have for not posting), I rate myself 2 for eagerness with the project.

Recommendation:

You silly author, post more! haha

To inspire myself (and to review my readers how this all started), click this link to be redirected to DAY 1 - Unpredictability is Yum .

Well, this is just an introduction. This post is not all about the analyses. It's about SIGNS. Let me start.

--------

I failed to follow my promise to myself. I still keep missing the things I need to do. Just today, my morning started with signs.

Sign 1 - Zune Social Friend's Message

I have this friend on the zune social (online community for zune users). Well if you guys do not know, Zune is an Ipod competitor (easiest way to define it). But heck to online community, we are far more better than ipod. Anyway, I opened my software to start playing songs and saw that there is a message for me. Here are screenshots:

Can you guys read the message? He said, "For what it's worth, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or worst of it."

iep2s27 was the one who made the comment

Sign 2 - Song from Paramore's Album Brand New Eyes.

I was just randomly listening to songs and decided to just play this album. I haven't listened to the whole album because I only listen to 2 songs from it. My attention was caught by the following lines:

Verses from Misguided Ghosts by Paramore

Sign 3 - My blog's address misspelled

As I was typing this blog's address on my browser to start making posts, it opened another site. To my shock, the other blog's address was very close to mine's.

I forgot to put "L"

First post my eyes saw at this blog

wew. Last night, I was crying hard. My mom pushes me to talk when I don't want to. I told her don't push me to talk when at the end I'll still be solving my problem alone. It was a sharp statement and full of pain. I cried hard and I just wished God can talk to me PHYSICALLY, with sounds and all. I can't really read His ways when my mind is clouded. Now I am left to think if all the things I saw today where really signs. All I know is one thing. That I can only help myself. And nothing will happen if I stay put on our living room.

Day 76 - Head Aches

my head is aching. dunno if its because of my eyes or if its because I am (literally) thinking about a lot of things at the same time.

-work

-extra work

-case study

-talking to my teachers

I only have one thing to remind myself now.

"Life will repeatedly teach you something that you don't want to learn"

Day 75 - The Sandwich Technique

I have read somewhere that to put a negative situation to a positive light, you'll have to do the sandwich technique. Well, I'm just gonna do it now. And just like what I have posted on my raw and baby tumblr blog, the only way to let it go is to let it all out.

So here is my letting-out-to-let-go drama (the sandwich-technique way):

Note: I'll try to apply positivism even if it's not that positive. I want to arrange my thoughts.

Here it goes.

Maybe, just maybe, I have the world at my fingertips, but I just couldn't appreciate it. I might have made some not very good decisions in my life, but who cares? No one has made all the right choices in life right? I don't think happiness will be deep if you haven't honed it with some sadness, just as the cake would not be complete without the salt in it. (wow, did not even know I would think of that analogy) But let me, for the last time, pour out all the negativities I feel. To accept them. And forget them. Because after this post, I'm done. Done with all the self-pity and regrets. I'll be back on my feet, sober (not literally, I'm drunk - liquor of defeat) and live fully.

(deep breath - relaxation process - by the way I'm blogging at a convenience store near my workplace (Ministop). Can't bring Handre (my laptop) inside the company.)

I don't like my course. I don't really hate it, but I'm not loving it either. I think that the only reason why I was able to survive all the years of reviewing and making financial statements and analyzing financial situations is because I am with my friends -- celebrating when we pass, together when we struggle. But I definitely felt that my heart is really not in it, not even a bit of it, when I started the journey alone, an irregular student, no longer eligible for the CPA board exam unless I transfer university and take all my majors again. I just had enough. I stopped for a year, and tried to find the respect that I lost for myself through working, but I still feel the same when I came back. I still don't love it. I even liked it lesser than before, or simply hated it more. I will pay for every second of this semester I have enrolled, but I am not feeling any fulfillment at all. All I want is to ditch school and start all over again, with something that I really like to do. After the Arts (singing,dancing,theatre), psychology is what I love next. It's what I'm good at. My brain is composed of mostly female wiring (my brain's highly feminine),that is why I'm good at music and communication. Those are my greatest strengths. And I only feel happy when I'm performing or when I'm talking to people (well besides eating, which is something that most of people like doing).

But what would I do? I'm the eldest and I can't just drop school. Thousands of disappointments will haunt me, in all directions, some people even affected (or merely gossiping I assume) a lot. I can't just do what I want because I have my responsibilities to my family. Eldest child. whew

And how would I secure a good future for my own family someday if I'm not earning much. There is no money in theatre, but it has a lot of heart.

I hate all my fears.

Not being able to face some of my classes (ancient but recurring fear).

Committing myself to a relationship (well, that's not just my part. The other party should want to commit to of course)

Disappointing people (and myself mostly)

and a whole lot more. My own demons. (by the way, for me, demon/devil/monster or whatever the heck people call them is a VERY NEGATIVE FORCE that snatches your true desire. Not really the human form, with thorns and manly voice coming from some deep caves or whatever. Those are artistic displays of demons.

And I cry all mourn about these things lately, a lot. I sleep everywhere (literally) and I easily get bored with everything that I do. But since this is a sandwich technique, the bottom part of the sandwich should be positive.

I will finish accounting. A few months of strife and struggle is nothing, right. Strife and struggle come before success, even in the dictionary. Just one more year, and I can do everything that I want.

After this post is officially published, I will make every thing that I do thinking positively and enthusiastically.

I'll be forgetting what I have let out.

counting starts.

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

Another phase of my life has started -------- My Happy Transition. I'll be myself's bestfriend. And I know I hate promises, but this time, I am making the pact to myself. I.m going to earn myself's respect and love and trust. I'll conquer my fears and master myself. There is a lot in life to enjoy right. If I can advise other people of what to do, I should be able to do it with myself.

Ready?

I'm not sure.

But hey, there is no turning back. There is only the future that I have to face.

Positively, Enthusiastically.

Go Rachel, Go!!

So help me my God.